“Best Practices?” No, No….“Worst Practices!”

Posted on: July 16th, 2012 by
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If you’re a complainer about your current job but really don’t want a new and better position, just read on.  Follow these rules and you’ll never have to worry about being a candidate, ever.  When testing the marketplace, here are several ways to kill your chances of success:

CURRENT JOB – It’s simple, just continue to complain about your boss, co-workers, pay, performance appraisals or a number of other targeted items.  And definitely mention that you are quietly looking for another job in a more appreciative organization.  Maintain your performance at a “minimally acceptable” level.  That’ll teach them to notice you.

THE SEARCH PROCESS –Only use the Internet because everyone says it’s the least amount of work.  It’s a volume issue.  Only contact buddies you know.  They can introduce you into their company without a great deal of hassle.  Don’t put together a comprehensive and integrated job search strategy.  It’s too complicated and requires too much effort.  Don’t research organizations that respond to your resume.  You’re better off being spontaneous.

COVER LETTER – Make sure they know why you want to leave your current organization. They need to know your expectations for salary, bonus, relocation, car and personal secretary right up front.  They need to understand your minimum requirements early.  Tell them that you expect an interview, paid for (of course) by the company.

RESUME – When constructing a resume, list only your responsibilities and activities.  Never mention results, accomplishments or achievements so as not to build high expectations on the part of the reader.  Write your resume in a generic way so it can be applied to a wide array of open positions.  Never define an objective so the reader isn’t sure about what you are looking for in a job.  Use performance numbers sparingly as you don’t want to appear too eager.  Numbers only confuse the reader because they’re out of context.

INTERVIEW – You can’t use the word “I” often enough.  They need to understand that you were the leader.  Conversely, don’t use the word “team”, “we” or “our” too frequently as they may think others added value to your contribution.  You need to establish your position of control early on.  When interviewing with Human Resources, ask about the vacation policy, holidays, benefits, 401k contributions, but not about the job.  Save that for the hiring manager.  Don’t waste your best interviewing skills, information and time on subordinate staff.  Save the best for the hiring manager.  Everyone responds well to jokes and want to hear sensitive competitive information about your current company.

IF YOU EVER GET AN OFFER – Companies will always offer you 20% less than you think your worth, right?  Hard negotiations are the answer.  When asked for references, always provide personal references, as they tend to be more praiseworthy.  Never ask for a job offer in writing.  Keep it verbal so you can correct any misunderstandings later, to your advantage.

Use these tips and you’ll never have to worry about the hassle of being a finalist candidate.

 

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